Sleep is something I seem to do during the day but a night my mind races and I seem to not even consider sleeping. Also I can't find my sleeping pills, but that's okay I will just make sure I take my anti-anxiety and hope I'll sleep.
This pregnancy has been marred by indegestion and nausea. I can't wait to have my body back. A part of me wants to run away from everything and everyone once the baby is born while another wants to just cuddle my babies and nest.
Another torturous day with my over eighteen nieces, they seem to want to drive me completely mad. I've never known what pure entitlement was like. I was raised with money and when I was their age I had no money. It changed me and made me a better person. But I think I've made the cardinal mistake of parenting, which is to tell your children how wonderful they are and to never prepare them for the realities of life. That's the biggest injustice that you can do to your kids. They've always succeeded they've known some bad moments but in the end they've always gotten ahead. If there was ever anything they've really ever needed we've gotten it for them. And to a certain extent it's made them feel entitled to only the good and best.
I've done this to them. They think they have the right to tell me what's beneath them. That's the theme with them. None of us are princesses but I've raised two and one prince. I feel like such a failure.
It's as if everything I had to do to keep a roof over their heads was just somehow worth nothing to them. It makes me so sad I just wish that maybe I had kept a little more for myself. I think it's wrong for me to give them anything now.
I understand what tough love is now. It's really is about making the other person see that it's not all about them. I'd like to make them more responsible and accountable. But their mother is so afraid of losing them that she won't back me up on this one.
I just feel like such a failure. I've created monsters who will saddle me with grand like children who are gonna grow up wild, rich and entitled. Sounds great.
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