What I do...

I think it's important to state what I'm about, which is helping people. I don't know if with that attitude you can still make money but I hope that at least I can help people.

I'm not into selling myself. I will work for someone and make a connection but I won't beg or plead to make money.

I've spent many hours this month going over statements to make sure that I'm being compensated for my many months of struggle. I love what I do and I do believe that what I do is a good way to make a living.
No matter what happens with the health insurance market I feel that group will continue. I have no idea if my party and the evil party understand or care about what I do, they probably think the agents and brokers are part of the problem.

My car dealership is a headache that will never end. Dealing with folk who don't understand or care what they are doing. I'm always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt but when you really think people stink it's hard. I went to the dealership to make sure an application that had been filled out incorrectly several times was filled out correctly. The gentleman was concerned because he'd been using the insurance and had claims that had not been addressed. I was not sure that we could add on the children that were not mandated by the NMSN. And I told him so, but I also told him that I would do everything I could to make sure the kids were taken care of. I made a promise that i wasn't sure I could keep which was that I would call him today with the answer if all his kids were covered.
Eventually yes the kids were covered, so we have to resubmit the claims which is fine.
I just feel that with all the work I've done I really do wish my commission was higher, but I'll live. My boss is concerned that we are going to end up literally running their HR department, due to the lack of experience of their benefits person.

Lots to worry about. I'll fix it next week. Right.

Feast or famine...

I've decided that if I can get my behind learning I can actually make some money doing this job.

I just love being busy but you wonder if by being busy you actually make any money.

I've got lots of stuff on my plate, but I'm unsure if any of it will come to anything. Health is tough you want to help people and get them what they need but Nevada is tough the people who need it the most are the one's least likely to get the help.
I've got a few leads that I'm working but who knows.

On a life front I've got two kids (nieces) in college now and my nephew is in his senior year. I'm so proud of all of them and I realize that all that I've done for them will enhance their dreams. It's my job to live my dreams but knowing that you helped someone reach a place in their lives where they can be or do anything is so wonderful.

Too bad their brats.

My two babies are wonderful, R my oldest seems to be as loving and wonderful as ever. He loves his little baby brother, A with hugs and kisses all over him. It's great, now if I only made a few thousand more a month.
The child support finally arrived but was spent on diapers and formula before I really could figure out what to do with it. In the next few weeks I'll be opening a savings account for them so that they can have some sort of nest egg.
As for their father, my ex, we're sorting things out. I don't think I could ever live with him full time but sometimes it's nice to have someone to cuddle with. He's continuing to have health problems, right now his teeth which are in really bad shape. I think he needs to have them all pulled and have dentures put in. I don't care, when you care about somebody it's not about the physical it's about the healthy.

Rib cook off is this weekend and I want to go so bad!

I just wish I was rich...

I'm figuring out my commission statements, I think I should have taken some classes in accounting. Everything is just blah to me and then I look at the figures and things only begin to make sense. It's not important to anyone but me.

I've got a couple of things out right now, nothing to write home about. I'd love to close at least 2 groups a month and 5 individuals/families a month. We'll see.

Getting by...

I've been putting together all my commissions and finding out that I've got a good single check coming my way, that is if my bosses don't dock me extra. I'm going to keep being paid in other aspects for a while just until I can get on my feet. It would be wonderful if I could just make a measeley little $2500 a month. I could actually make a living.

I think that amount is a few months away but if I can make some headway into this amount I'd be happy.

Getting my commissions paid to me has been an issue, I've had to resolve all of the issues myself. I just wanted to make sure that I was getting the full amount due each month. On the whole individual policies pay better and let's face it if you want coverage you have to pay on time. But getting my commission in a hit or miss variety does not help.
So far my biggest account is already a month behind. I had to follow up today and make sure that the one gentlemen who has never been added is added.

I really want this whole thing finished. Oh, no it's time to go home.

Okay...

So I'm more awake now and it look like tomorrow is the day I'll meet with my boss.

I'm a little concerned, of course. I'm going to really try and get things moving now. I love this job because I do have the ability to make good money and still have a life.

I'd like to primarily do health and group if I can. I don't mind doing the individual but the servicing is kind of a pain. I think that doing some P&C is going to be good for me. I mean that's where the real insurance is at. You can live and die with a decent wage doing P&C especially with some background in it.

I've got some to do with the health but it's so hard to close and get stuff in place. I think that a couple of car and home policies that I can keep up with will make it all worth my while.

I'm a little worried about doing the P&C but I think if I can figure out a way to do it especially in my neighborhood I'll be able to make a decent living.

Back to work/exhausted

I'm back and I'm exhausted.
I now know why coffee was invented, I don't drink it but I get it. Stimulants are really a new mommies best friend. So I just had half of a caffeine pill, I could have taken left over diet pills but I'll try the caffeine first.

A part of me feels overwhelmed like there is so much to do that I don't care what else happens. I've just got to refocus.

I'm so ready...

Okay so I'm ready to go back to full time work on Monday.

I've got several issues to go over with my boss and I think if I can get most of them addressed I should be able to increase my take. Due to accounting my paychecks are at the mercy of our clients paying on time. I think if I can get paid twice a month I'll be able to make more of an impact.

In speaking with my sister I found out that she has some blank door hangers which I will be able to print on and send out. I've decided to go ahead and have another phone line setup so that I can have my sister answer the phone in spanish for me and take down some info and take some notes. I think the extra phone may be worth it in the end. I'd like to make door hangers for those in my neighborhood. I can make one side in spanish and the other in english, also my sister thinks I should get headshots done. I'm not convinced on that part. I've never thought that my face could sell anything. I'd rather show an interesting picture than an icky photo of me. Well, let's see how it goes.

We agreed to disagree....

My ex and I had mediation the other day and it went well just as I expected. He was belittling and I just kept my calm and rose above it. He wants every other week custody and I want to maintain our current every other weekend. We agreed on some basics and fought over the primary physical custody. Hello courtroom drama.

I took him the children this afternoon and I was prepared to leave him with the new baby but he freaked out. He never touched R until he was a year old, never made him a bottle or changed a diaper--at all ever. So he wanted to die. So I stayed and got a great little tidbit of news.

He also found at that the money that is currently being taken out of his check is actually going to the state of Arizona. I tracked down several phone numbers for him but basically he's screwed. I will print him some info, but what it really means is that I won't be getting any money any time soon. I'll have to tell my sister at some point but this is gonna kill her. I'm so sick of this. I'm so disappointed that my kids are gonna suffer. I just don't want to think about all this.

Things are just never gonna work out.

I think i'm in love....

Well, I've been off the boards for a few days, having a baby does that to you and then I found a great resource. Let's face it I need a few leads and I'm willing to invest some cash in them.

So, I think for a two hundred bucks a month I could have quality leads for health. Let's face it if I can close one or two, then they can pay for themselves. I think it's a good idea to invest in myself, I need the leads and to work them. I'd love to be able to make some appointments and have my boss accompany me and if she can get the other lines of business then we're looking good.

I'd really prefer to only do group, but at this point I'll take anything. I'm going to go back and do p&c for the money and then market the health on the side mostly from inhouse leads. But if I can get to the point where I can afford the $200 a month then I can really do well. I need to make a living and this job has the potential to make me a lot of money. I've got to get my income to a consistent basis, if I can strike a deal with my bosses so that my money comes in as it comes in, instead of dealing with a once a month deal. Currently the other agents are being paid twice a month and I'd like the same deal, it's better for me and my bills.

I do plan to try to get some part time work or at least do ebay for a while to get some more income. What I really wish is that I could find a position that would allow me to make a few hundred a month/week.

There is suppose to be money from child support coming in soon but I'd really hate to count on that. My ex has been ill lately and you can't really expect support from someone who is barely holding on. It would help in the short term to pay the baby's bills which have yet to arrive. I'm a little worried to open those bills.
I've had my sister doing the bills while I've been in my last trimester just because I couldn't handle the pressure anymore but I need to take those reins again. I'm ready to take back that responsiblity. Of course, I'll need to change all my passwords and that will be a pain. My sister is wonderful, but it's important for me to put things in their place.

As for my ex, I'm not sure how things are going to work with him. We have our meditation on Tuesday and it looks like I'll be alone for this one. I think it's important to have my standards for the kids. I want A and R to be with me, if I have to give up more time with them then it might be best to stay with his father. It's so hard to give up R every other weekend and it's comforting to have A with me for now. I'm simply not ready to give my ex more time than he already has with him.

I need to sleep, somehow I don't think it's gonna happen again tonight.

Getting stronger...

This was the first day I almost felt like my old self. In the morning I got up and did stuff, mostly laundry and working on my closet. I'm scared of my weight right now, I've lost very little weight and I was hoping to be down more than 15 pounds by now. I don't want to have to go buy a new wardrobe but if I can't get within 20 pounds of my goal weight then I'll have to go get some stuff.

'A' is growing and growing, he sleeps, eats and poop's. I'm in love with him of course but until they really understand what's going on it's kinda boring. I will be back at work and it seems like that moment when they become interesting passes me by.
My two year old is adjusting and it was kinda nice to send him to his father this weekend because I know he'll get the individual attention he needs and deserves. I just love him so much that when he's with his dad I feel like my arm is missing. I don't know if I'll ever be able to give 'A' up to his dad for visits, it's just too hard.

I have mediatation next week, my ex and I haven't discussed anything I think it will be a stalemate. I'm able to live with our current arrangement but he wants equal time and that would be a nightmare to pull together.

I'm hoping this will work out.

Castor Oil does work....

Saturday nite I decided that I needed to free the baby from my womb, I couldn't eat sleep or do anything else that didn't feel like I was dying.
So I took a big gulp of castor oil with a warm coke chaser, yuck!
At ten I started to get contractions, I was laying on my side so I kinda ignored it. But when I started to stand up and get them I started to get concerned by eleven I was sure I needed to have it checked out by a pro and we got ready and headed out. By the time I was dressed and stuff was in the car, the contractions were getting very uncomfortable. Before I'd let us leave I had to walk off a contraction around the car. We parked in the wrong place at the hospitial and then we made it inside I was at the desk at midnight and ready to check in. By the time I got into the room, I was in agony. It didn't take long before I was begging for an epidural and somebody was having a c-section so I didn't get priority for that. So they waited a while, while I'm screaming to give me some weak iv meds which did not work. I waited over an hour screaming and breathing for the epidural. I was crazy with pain, I just kept screaming and begging.
By the time the epidural came I was unable to be coherent, I was also bleeding but I don't think we ever figured out what that meant. I had the nurse hold me up while the needle went in. As soon as that took effect I was fine.
I have no idea how long it was but for a while I got comfortable and they broke my water. I told the nurse I felt no pain and very little pressure so if they wanted me to push I'd be happy to do so. She seemed surprised. So the doctor came in and three pushes and he was out.

So basically it was a great quick labor, I could have done it quicker with a speeder epidural but whatever now.

So A is beautiful, looks like my ex which he jokenly said he didn't. Whatever.

I've been home for a day and I'm exhausted and still trying in vain to sleep. The first night was okay, no sleep lots of baby awakeness. Also having a two year old awake at various times of the night was no help.

I'll join the world tomorrow, maybe.

Heat, heat and more heat...

We had a brown out in my neighborhood this afternoon which kept the fans from working and in my still current state it meant even more discomfort. It got so back I asked my ex if he had power, he was out on a call and had no idea. The idea of laying on his bed in all that air conditioning has great appeal. But it came back on a hour ago and I'm content to do nothing.

At this stage your so uncomfortable that your beyond any help. I can't seem to find any relief. I get more and more desperate for relief but there is none. I'm not good at waiting and I have so many other pressures that I don't want to spend one more minute in my current state.

I'm sure that in a week or so, I'll forget all this but I'm thinking not. This is the last baby, that's for sure.

My niece has been approved by Aetna and she'll start her medical and dental policy at the beginning of September. I'm hoping it will all work out.
I haven't checked my voicemail or email for work for a few days and I'm hoping to avoid it until after the baby is born.