Not sure if men should exist...

I wrote several emails to my ex and I do mean ex, telling him how proud I was of him for making some strides in righting his life. I thought that he was trying really hard for himself and our kids. I should have shut my mouth but I should have known all of it was just an illusion.

His response to praise was to

Early in never happened...

I'm just so wiped in the mornings it's pointless to even consider coming in earlier.
The ambition is there but the body is unwilling.

Finally finished the cardealership proposal only the medical I'm too lazy to do the dental which I don't have all the info for anyway. This deal is very important and is $5000 in premium a month. But the way they do the commission is interesting they pay per employee $29. So it doesn't really matter how many families or couples go on. It could mean around $400 per month to me. I can't wait, especially since I won't have to conduct even one enrollment meeting.
But I've earned each and every penny from this group.

Another one....

Well, I guess the faxing the current clients thing does work, besides the first gentlemen I have another referral from one of our other long time insured's. Okay so it's only a three person group but they have St Mary's and I'm pretty sure we can beat that. It would be nice to get some work out of my efforts.
She said she would call me next month but the truth is the fatter I get the less likely I'll be motivated to do anything. I tried to come home and wrap up the car dealership spreadsheet but in doing the comp of the plans I needed additional quote pieces.
We're running low on cash and I'll be curious to see where my efforts take me. I think that when I do go back on salary I will try to ask them for two pay periods each month. The way commissions have come in it makes little or no sense to have one per month and it makes me poor--er.
I'll try for an early in tomorrow and hopefully I'll be able to get some more faxes and emails out.

faxing current clients...

So I've sent out 40-ish faxes and gotten one individual response, it's fine with me.
I only got up to the C's in our book of business.

The gentlemen has a girlfriend but says he's experienced a doubling of his premium in the last year. He's with Anthem and he doesn't use it that much. I guess he liked my lowering healthcare premiums ideas, I used some from John in Maryland and then I revamped some that worked better for me. He's a year younger than me but has bloodpressure and one med I'm somehow doubting that Aetna will touch. However I'm willing to run it with Humana and Assurant, Assurant won't love him but they might cover him.

Today I should have finished my comparsion of Idaho dealership but of course I left it at home. That sucks, I've got to get this thing done! Tonight I swear nothing is gonna stop me, but I do crave chocolate.

I've decided no more drama with the ex for now, I must stay away from his bedroom eyes and just work on work.

I've been busy....yeah right..

On the insurance front well, I sent out some faxes to some of our current clients intro-ing myself and giving them the free report. No response yet, but if I ever got off my lazy backside and checked my message's I'd be sure of that.

So I'm tired cranky and everything else that goes along with that. I went to Six Flags again weekend before last and it was hot and exhausting. We made the trip in one day. On the way back I had contractions but I remember from the last I did that I might be a lack of fluids and I had the ex stop and get me some water. An hour after that i was fine but I went straight home instead of staying with my ex at his motel residence.
I'm not sure what is going on between us but when I insisted on going on this trip it seemed to open him to something. I had no intentions of letting anything ever happen between us again but as usual with his touch I turn into his favorite brand of jello and that's where I'll leave that. As if my life wasn't in enough turmoil. I'm not making any decisions until after the baby is born. And maybe not even then.
I think no matter how I make it romantic between us, the simple truth is that he is simply the last Coca-cola in the room. I'm not well versed in love and romance but what I am sure of is that past the passion I can't live with him. I love to take care of others but they in return must take care of me and my needs. It could be as simple as getting my oil changed or filling my gas tank. I need that. But he doesn't do those things and he has a way of making me feel less than an equal. I think in my mind I need to be in charge and not have to deal with someone who treats me less than that.
That's kind of mean.

NAHU Expo!

I went to the NAHU expo this morning and only had time to stay for three speakers and got two CE credits. It was a good talk, fairly right wing for my rather liberal tastes but it's amazing how a guy can go around and get people to listen to him when he only points out one side of the issue and provides no solutions. Those are the folks you need to watch out for, because those are the one's that legislatures listen to.

The second speaker works in DC and has a better prospective to the way things are actually run and not such a biased view of it all. She was a great speaker and though again I didn't agree with everything she said at least with her, she knows where all the political bodies are buried. She noted that healthcare was not the kind of clear cut issue it use to be in terms of which party you belong to. She works hard with both sides of the aisle and that both sides have crackpots. She actually liked Senator Hardin's healthcare proposal.

As for work, I'm definately in slow down mode, I'm working little things here and there and returning phone calls. It seems like I'll forget about the baby for a minute and my old energy will return and then I'll stand up and go to the printer and every bone in my body reminds me that I am 25+ pounds heavier than I use to be. The baby is moving a great deal and laying in bed feels like a comfy death but I'm just waiting to drop this kid.

As for the ex, he kindly offered to take me and my son to dinner on Mom's day. But of course I could not accept it. I'm such a sucker. He also wants to take my son to small excursion on Saturday morning, which I'm allowing because I know the baby will love to pick up trash with his dad. I've got to learn to separate my emotions from my ex, he says dinner and I think we'll marry in June. What makes somebody take fifteen miles like that? I'm chucking it up to the pregnancy and I'm sticking to that. I did send him an email trying to explain that but knowing him it will make no sense to him. I don't understand how he can send me a venom filled email a week ago and then two days ago he's nice as pie. He's a psycho.

Car dealership is done and it only took 8 months!

Okay, so I promised myself that when i closed this hellish and do mean hellish deal that i would open a bottle of apple cider. But instead the closing of this deal coincided with my birthday which involved a cake, free dinner and lots of candy.

I had my sugar test this morning which I'm not optimstic about, starting tomorrow I'll be eating a lot of protein and little or no sugar. I haven't been big on candy and such this pregnancy but the last couple of days i've been eating a candy bar everyday for a quick pick me up and that's got to stop so that I not get too heavy. Sleeping has been difficult with extra 25 pounds I'm carrying now so if I lower the amount I weigh versus my last pregnancy I should be good.

As for the out of state cardealership deal, the quote came in today and it looks very good. Their current rates are over $250 per employee but the new rates (with some underwriting!) are all under $200. So it looks very good, even the dental rates look pretty good. I'm torn between writing it with the medical policy or writing it with a separate company and maybe adding some Life. For me I think the employer should put in some life if only to avert having someone die in your company and then having someone take an embarrsing collection just to get the guy buried. The advantage I find for having the dental separate is that the employee can do dental only without the hassle of dealing with the medical. So we'll see I'll have to look again at the dental rates alone.

As for my impending financial disaster, I'm thinking that it would be adviseable to merely start working from home after the birth of my son. The more I think about it the more adviseable it would be to start doing my own calls from home and just get better at it. I figured out that I would like to make around $60,000 a year and the rest would be a bonus but to live passablely well I'd like to make $32,000 after taxes. But at this point I'm barely making a grand a month and I need to do better than that. We'll see what my boss comes up with tomorrow. But the truth is I can't seem to give her more than 5 to 7 hours per day and working my current deals won't take me up to $2500 per month I need to pay my bills. I have no doubt that if I hadn't become pregnant I would have reached or surpassed my goal by now. I've made a list of the businesses that currently on the books and see if any of them might need health quotes.

If I could close ten to twenty deals in the next few months I'd surpass my goal and then some.